Monday, July 9, 2007

Confessions ...... sigh

I am unable to "let" my children cry themselves to sleep. I get so stressed out that I literally feel my blood pressure rising.

When Isaiah was an infant I couldn't do it. I also was so anxious about SIDS that I couldn't let him sleep without either holding him or having him be right next to me. I also nursed Isaiah and could never get the hang of pumping, therefore, feeding my boy was entirely up to me. This was a huge struggle for me. The result: Isaiah slept in our bed until he was about 2.5 years old. He'd then fall asleep in his bed and when he'd awake Isaiah would crawl back in our bed for the rest of the night. Grrr! He finally would fall asleep without my help and stay in bed around age three.

Then came Anna....I promised myself I wasn't going to let the same thing happen. I was doing okay with middle of the night feedings and being able to put her in the bassinet or bouncy seat to sleep. Around 5 mos. old Anna got a nasty cold/ear infection and I was worried about her stuffiness and all that work went out the window as she ended up in our bed. The difference was that Anna never took to a thumb or pacifier like Isaiah did. As a result, I became her "security blanket" and she can't fall asleep without me rocking her or holding her, etc.

I realize this is entirely my fault and both kiddos would have been fine had I let them learn to soothe themselves. I also know of ALL the different techniques available to try in order to teach babies this important lesson. I just can't let them cry themselves to sleep.

Isaiah does just fine now falling asleep and staying asleep. It all worked out okay. Isaiah is such a good sleeper that he has slept through Anna's cries, screams, tantrums and nuclear meltdowns that have been happening since Saturday afternoon when we put up the toddler bed. Isaiah and Anna share a room and this was the weekend we started to wean Anna from her Mama's assistance in the sleep department. For some reason it's easier for me to hold down a toddler in a toddler bed for 2 hours then it is to hear a tiny infant cry for a mere 10-15minutes.

I know, I know, I know. This is all so silly and completely unnecessary. I also know I am horrible about infants sleeping and it completely rules my life for the first two years of their little lives. There now is a light at the end of the tunnel and within a couple months everyone at this house will happily be sleeping in their own beds and sleeping through the night. At that point we'll start the potty training as Anna has shown an interest. I, however, have not shown any interest in potty training and therefore we will be waiting until this current battle is me.

Thank you for listening/reading as I feel better confessing my sins. :)


kristi noser said...

I let our children cry themselves to sleep. I wish I would have held them. When they are as big as our children you'll bless the days you held them to go to sleep. Even though it takes a lot of your time and you wish you could go to sleep, you keep snuggling them. You're doing great.

Katie R. said...

kristi, thank you. I'm trying to turn off the water works as I type. I do think about all the days/nights I held Isaiah and am thankful for the extra cuddles. I remember one night I made Matthew kiss Isaiah's little baby boy toes because, "One day", I said, "these baby toes will be 14 years old and we won't WANT to kiss them."